Joe Posnanski is one of the greatest sports columnists out there.  And he has a blog.  He recently, might have been yesterday actually, wrote about a mission he’s set himself out to accomplish. It is important and worth your attention.  He has set out to find the next Snuggie.  You know, you’ve seen the infomercial about this thing.  It’s a blanket er robe er I’m not really sure what it is but hideous.  Ok, really, it’s not that important but I did have probably the best laugh I’ve had in a while.  I don’t usually audibly cakle while I’m reading something but there were moments where I was doubled over and had to step away from it while I was reading.  I’ll post a few snippets  but it’s fairly lengthy so I’ll let you read on your own time.
His premise:

I have spent the last couple of months trying to find the next Snuggie …

The genius of the Snuggie is that it is an entirely useless product that solves a problem that did not exist. There is a lot more in that single sentence than meets the eye. Lots of infoco products are useless. In fact, I’ll just break away from generalities and tell you that they’re all useless on some level. Some are entirely useless. Some are mostly useless the way that Westley was mostly dead. But they’re all useless.

He thinks the Flowbee and Body Snake have a chance, but alas, they fall short.  Then he finds the MicroSmore!

First, you need to ask this key question: Do you love Smores but hate how long they take to make?

No. Of course not. Seriously, this is very much like hating blankets because they prevent you from answering the phone in precise time. Is there anyone, anywhere, who loves Smores but has been troubled by the preparation time? We’re not talking about preparing a 16-pound turkey here. In the oven, smores take roughly 90 seconds. Maybe. Over an open fire, even less. In a microwave, it’s more like 40 seconds. Smores may have their drawbacks,* but cooking time isn’t one of them.

“Smores are gooey, melty, tasty fun,” the narrator in the commercial says. So true. Gooey. Melty. Tasty. What could possibly make them better?

“What could POSSIBLY make them better?” the narrator asks, even though I just asked the same question. Then, he gives an answer in the form of a question: “How about your favorite Smore in 10 seconds?”

Well, how about it? Is such a thing possible? Has mankind triumphed? Has American technology really created a device that can make Smores in 10 seconds rather than the 40 seconds it would normally take?

It is possible. How? Well, I cannot explain. Fortunately, the narrator gives us the technical answer: “The fusion technology of the patented Micro Smores cooker heats up quickly! And then smooshes everything together.”

Brilliant! This may be my next lit night selection.

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